Are Difficult Conversations Dreadful? 8 Tips To Lessen Your Anxiety

Guest post by Angie Doel :: Within the past two weeks I’ve had to let an employee go, I’ve participated in a very tense conference call, and I faced a really awkward business conversation  with a colleague. As entrepreneurs, this is an inevitable part of running our businesses but that doesn’t mean it’s fun or easy.  There are certain business conversation that create anxiety and dread: Firing an employee; discussing a sensitive subject; confronting a colleague about a collaborative project that’s gone terribly wrong; cleaning up the damage after a “messy” meeting.

Does the mere thought of challenging business conversation fill you with anxiety?  It’s not fun playing the role of “bad guy,” and it’s extremely unpleasant if a volatile situation blows up and creates serious problems for your business.  Avoidance certainly isn’t the answer.  How can you proactively deal with uncomfortable business conversation in an effective and clear manner?

1. Always take responsibility – for yourself.  Avoid blame and take responsibility for your part in the situation.  Own your feelings and your reactions.  They’re yours alone!  Avoid standing in judgment; even if you’re “right” you will lose credibility and respect and potentially damage your reputation if you adopt a combative tone.  A neutral tone and temperate attitude is far more effective because there are no “winners” or “losers.”

2. Prepare. It’s impossible to completely avoid the stress associated with difficult business conversation, but you can lessen your anxiety if you use your energy to prepare.  Don’t necessarily “rehearse” what you’re going to say. Avoid preparing a script as if you will be on stage performing.  If you’re overly concerned with what you’re going to say you may fail to listen effectively and appropriately react. Prepare by asking yourself the following questions:  What is the problem?  How may this person react? What are my “buttons” that might be pushed? What is the preferred outcome?

3. Be clear. Difficult messages must be clearly stated.  Begin the business conversation with a realistic and clear outcome in mind, and potential obstacles that might interfere.

4. Acknowledge emotions. Challenging business conversation can lead to a variety of feelings.  Be authentic, speak from your heart, and discuss how you’re feeling but avoid allowing your emotions to run the show.  Use “I” and “and” liberally to alleviate feelings of anger, defensiveness, or embarrassment.

5. Actively listen. You must clearly convey that you’re genuinely listening to the other person, so summarize what you’re hearing and ask questions if necessary. The person will feel respected and “heard.”

6. Strength when faced with tough reactions. Challenging conversations might result in tears, blame, anger, silence, or denial.  Always remember this: you can’t control how the other person reacts, nor are you responsible for the reaction.  Never assume you understand the other person’s intentions. You can only be emotionally prepared and control your own reactions.

7. Perspective. The most difficult business conversation are sometimes unavoidable. When you look to the future you’ll understand that if you avoid dealing with the issues now further problems may arise.  Also, will this conversation really matter a year from now?

8. Learning Lessons.  Anytime I am faced with challenges in my business (and not just difficult conversations) I reframe it as a lesson learned. What can I learn from this?  How have I grown?  What will I do differently next time to successfully handle such challenges?

Hopefully these tips will assist you as you navigate through your next challenging conversation. Let us know if you have any to add, too.

Angie Doel, M.S., is a certified holistic health counselor and owner of Holistic Health Counseling of Cape Cod. With nearly 20 years of counseling experience, she currently assists women of all ages create extraordinary health. Along with several other health practitioners, she is creating a local wellness center that will include a community garden and “healthy” food pantry, as well as educational workshops and training opportunities for community members. She is collaborating with a well-known holistic scientist and medical doctor in organizing a non-profit bio-mental health foundation. She also enjoys writing, editing, research, and fitness. Visit her at Holistichealthcapecod.com.