The Greatest Show(wo)man On Earth

Being a mom is hard, am I right? I’m everywhere and nowhere at the same time. All over the map and running in circles. As moms, it’s easy to watch ourselves fade into the background as we catapult everyone else in our life to the forefront; spouses, partners, children, pets . I know I can’t be the only one who has often asked herself, “Where did I go? Is this what I do now?”

I was recently asked to write about my take on mom entrepreneurs- why I’m a copywriter, or why I’ve decided to work while being a mom. Buckle up, kids; I’m from New York and kind of a crazy driver!

Growing up, I was a strong-willed, hard headed little girl always tip-toeing the line. You know the line I’m talking about, the one that you were scared to cross, but the one that you so badly wanted to dive over! The same line that if you’re like me, you now have a child who LIVES on it. That line was a compass for me because my parents taught me the importance of being fearless. The importance of being a woman who is strong, independent and who can take care of herself. That’s who I am at my core.

When I met my husband, I was close to graduating from college while he was mid-way through his first tour in Iraq. When talking about getting married, he said something that struck me; “When we get married and have kids, you won’t have to work.” I didn’t know whether to be comforted or insulted. I immediately snapped back, “Excuse me? I make more than you do. I’ve worked since I was 15. I’ll always work!” The idea of relying on someone else for my livelihood was extremely unsettling.

I was offered a job right out of college, which made me feel like I was on top of the world. I’ll save you the excitement; it didn’t last. I seemed to have the worst luck when it came to keeping a job. One company downsized. Another replaced me with someone who had 20+ years of experience AND was willing to take a significant pay cut just to come back to the area.  That company hit the lottery with that fella! I finally landed a job I LOVED, Admin Assistant and Event Planner with the American Heart Association. I spent two full years feeling like I was doing something that mattered. When I got married, the Army moved us 3,000 miles across the country, so I resigned. That was the first time in a decade that I was unemployed, and it was terrifying. I settled into my new role as a wife and stay-at-home spouse. We traveled, hiked volcanoes, and got pregnant with our oldest son. Panic quickly set in when I realized that no one would hire a pregnant chick, who also happens to be married to someone in the military. Mind you; this was at a time when working from home was not hugely popular. I came to terms with the idea that I might have to be a stay-at-home mom and try to work when my kids got older. FYI, being a stay-at-home mom is THE HARDEST and most taken-for-granted job on the planet! I said what I said, and I’ll fight anyone who says differently!

A friend pulled me into independent contracting in 2012, and I was naturally skeptical.  For seven years, I worked remotely for the same company. I was able to work and be there for my family full time-winning! When that ended, I felt lost again. Now what? I certainly didn’t feel like an entrepreneur, even though I was, in a way. I hadn’t created a product or poured my life savings into a business. Or had I? I realized something – I WAS the product. I WAS the business. Having been an Independent Contractor, I could now sell myself… not in that way. That’s illegal, Karen! Kidding to everyone whose name is Karen (shout out to my mom!). I digress. But truthfully, I was learning that I was capable of anything, and the world was evolving into a place where I could be my own business!

I gave substitute teaching a try, even though I had no teaching background and had no clue what I was doing. Lucky for me, I was a mom and was getting paid to do what I did with my own kids, except I somehow developed the patience of a Saint! Then, 2020 strolled in and with it came its crazy drunk Uncle Covid. The whole world went bonkers, and once again, I was out of a job. Homeschooling, buying a house, moving in the middle of a pandemic, and getting the kids back to school again became my full-time responsibilities. Sounds crazy, but I loved it. I was one of the lucky ones who didn’t have to worry about a paycheck or working. My husband’s job security gave us what millions of people didn’t have; peace of mind. I will never be able to express just how grateful I am for that.

Once we moved and the world was trying to normalize, I went to work part-time with my sister-in-law at her company. I was able to be there for my kids, use my brain and put on pants again! However, what started as part-time, increasingly became a time-sucking monster, and I barely saw my kids during the holidays last year. One morning my husband had to pull my sobbing 7-year-old off me; he didn’t want me to leave. My kids never truly knew me as the parent who left the house to work. They were spoiled, and so was I. I cried the whole drive to the office, thinking a pit stop at Starbucks would pull me out of the major mom guilt I felt, but no such luck. That’s it; I was going to quit that morning. My heart was broken, and I quickly realized that I was no longer that girl who prioritized working; I was that mom whose priorities had completely changed. My kids come first, always! I ended up having to quit anyway to be there for my boys when our school district went remote for an entire month. Shout out to my amazing husband, by the way. I could tell him that I wanted to join the circus, and he’d say, “Go for it, babe!”

So, there I was, just a girl standing in front of a mirror, asking herself “what do I have to offer?” Wow, that’s a hard-hitting question, isn’t it? Tumbling in at a Simone Biles rate of speed is my inner cheerleader:

1. I’m awesome!

2. I can learn anything!

3. I’ve held so many different jobs that I have a weird array of experience!

Should I start my own business? The extra income would be great and could help pay for that new bass boat (insert hard side-eye here).

I can craft a mean burlap wreath! I am also a great baker and could sell my scrumptious little yummies. We’ll call it The Burlap Bakery! But I’d only want to sell to people I know because I don’t wanna get sued. There goes that idea.

My husband was recently promoted and, in his speech, he thanked me. He went on to say that he has been able to progress his career because of me. He doesn’t have to worry about anything at home and can focus his attention on his work. At that moment, I was reminded that my whole persona has become trying to keep people alive and juggle our lives. Throw in working or running a business, and the circus is sounding more and more appealing! Seriously though, I wouldn’t change one thing about my crazy life.

More and more moms are working in what I’d call unconventional ways. We’re working from home, we’re independently contracting, we’re starting our own businesses (no matter how big or how small), and we’re trying to juggle it all with motherhood. Whether you’re the CEO of your own company, or a mom sitting in her home office, rocking leggings, and writing a blog while eating cheese balls, remember that being an entrepreneur can be anything you want it to be! As I write this, I’m adding referee to my resume since the neighborhood football game in my side yard is turning into WWE Smackdown! Hear that HBO?? Boom! Marketing.

So, if you’re a mom who doesn’t know where to start, who is hustling but feels like they’re barely getting by, who wants to be their own business, or who simply needs to be reminded that YOU are killing it, I’m virtually reaching over and fixing your crown. You can do anything! We are all superheroes; you just can’t see our capes.

My name is Ashley Kingdollar. I have a BS degree in Graphic Media and Print from Rochester Institute of Technology but have been blessed to work in many different fields, including digital marketing and copywriting. I’m an active duty military spouse and mom of two awesome little boys! I’m often found chauffeuring kids all over the place, baking or keeping my whole family on track – always with a coffee in my hand!